PWD

An Interview With Big John

An Interview With Big John of the Mills

Peter: Hello, John.,
John: Hehe…hello Peter?
Peter: So, John, tell us a little bit about yourself and your pilgrim life.
John: Well, I’m a pastor of a small church, established in 1961 in Lincoln County. I’ve only been there a few months. I like the area – the area is nice.
Peter: What did you do before you went to Lincoln County?
John: Well, I was at Covenant Seminary for three years and before that I was in Japan for four years.
Peter: Is Lincoln County like Japan?
John: Well, I spent two years in rural Japan, and Lincoln County is like rural Japan.
Peter: They speak Japanese in Lincoln County?
John: No, but they are all kind of interconnected with one another. It’s sort of that group mentality, long-term relationships type thing. One family knows another family that knows another family. They have known each other for eons. One of the interesting things about my church is that the members of my church probably own more of Lincoln County geographically than any other church in Lincoln County.
Peter: So they can afford to pay you the big bucks? Or at least chickens?
John: (Laughter) No, they can’t afford to pay me the big bucks. But, in a sense, we are the biggest church in the county, and I like to think that way, even though we only have twenty people.
Peter: Tell us a little bit more about Lincoln County – how you got there, what life is like there, what life will be like in the Moscow Mills area in five to ten years…
John: Well, there’s a lot of growth going on. Moscow Mills has car dealerships now on Highway 61. We have a Ford dealership, we have a Chevy dealership – right next to the John Deere dealership of course. That’s called “Tri-County Power.”
Peter: What was there before?
John: Nothing. They build Highway 61, and it has become a main thoroughfare to metro St. Louis. I expect the population to double again in the next 7-10 years, as it did over the past 7-10 years.
Peter: And you’ll be waiting for all of those people!
John: Yes, I’ll already be there.
Peter: But let’s not forget our other questions…how did you get from Japan to Covenant to Moscow?
John: (Laughing). Oh, boy. Ah….I really don’t have a good answer for that…it just happened?
Peter: You mean the answer is too long and cannot be condensed into a short bloggish paragraph. OK, maybe just tell us how you got from Japan to here? Still too long. From here to Moscow? That should be an easier story!
John: From Covenant Seminary to Moscow. Well, they were getting pulpit supply from the seminary and had gotten down to 4 or 5 people. The church was on its last legs and probably would have closed soon. And, uh…I looked at the demographics, and I was finishing up seminary, and I enjoyed church planting, so it was all a good fit. Providentially, God has put the right people in the right place at the right time, both in terms of having new people come into the church as members and individuals with resources willing to contribute.
Peter: And one is even offering to get you out of your campsite and into a house, right?
John: That’s correct. I’ve been living in a campsite for the last two weeks. It was either that or live in St. Louis, and STL was too far away from the church. And the weather wasn’t too bad – September. I really enjoyed it – I miss it.
Peter: Are you going back soon?
John: To the campsite? Yeah, I think I’ll camp a couple of days a week, even while I’m at this house. The Quiver River state park is only ten miles from the church.
Peter: And that’s a short distance for the country side.
John: Oh, yeah, yes it is. 15 minute commute to work.
Peter: John, would it be correct to think of you as the “mobile home missionary?”
John: I hope so, we need to set up some programs yet, but that’s the main population zone that we want to target. But it is kind of difficult, because there are a lot of needs, and that population doesn’t have resources to contribute to activities and programs. So you really have to pick and choose, and you have to make selective decisions about what type/group of people inside the trailer parks you want to reach out to.
Peter: And what decisions have you made thus far?
John: Um…I think the way to go is to start a boys and girls ministry for early elementary school (1st to 3rd grade). And I think that as this population grows older, the program will grow to encompass a larger age range. Sort of like an elementary school that starts with 1st grade only and then adds a grade every year as the 1st graders progress. The teenagers are already pretty entrenched in a certain way of living, and it would be very difficult – take a lot of resources – to set something up them. They would probably respond in a destructive manner.
Peter: So, we’ve covered a little bit of Covenant to Moscow, and what life in Moscow (and in surrounding campgrounds) looks like. Let’s ask a few “regular old questions,” like – why is it that your life is so atypical?
John: I really can’t answer that question.
Peter: Is it because you are Frisian?
John: It could be! Perhaps something genetic.
Peter: Is it because you spent too much time in construction as a young boy?
John: It could be…it could be…I like freedom, I don’t feel like I’m trapped in something, and I like to start things.
Peter: What was the first thing that you started? And the first trap that you escaped?
John: (Laughter). Oh, I don’t know.
Peter: Sure you do, Frisians have memories like steel traps!
John: (More laughter). The first thing I escaped was pouring cement. Got out of that at the age of 16 and got a nice union job by the time I was 18.
Peter: What did you do for the union?
John: I was a “selector” in a warehouse, and later on I was a "fueller" for trucks. And I did that through college.
Peter: You went to the International Frisian Men’s College?
John: Yes, Calvin College.
Peter: And were you the first of your family?
John: No, my sister had already gone, and graduated.
Peter: And she turned out OK?
John: Yeah, she’s a teacher now.
Peter: Was college what drove you to Japan?
John: Oh, boy…(John is having a slightly melancholic day)…at the age of 16, I made a covenant with God that I would go anywhere he wanted me to go – if that meant Japan I would go to Japan, if that meant Moscow Mills, I would go to Moscow Mills. I didn’t want to originally go to Japan, and I prayed every day for six months that I wouldn’t go to Japan. But I went to Japan and I loved it because it was what God wanted for me, and that’s what I think is going to happen with Moscow Mills. If it’s where God wants me to be, then in the end, the life and the ministry that is developed around me will be a manifestation of God’s grace in my life. Where to next after Moscow? I don’t know…I think I’ll be there a number of years, though. At least until the church hits 150.
Peter: Well, thanks for answering all of our questions – we have many more! But you look tired…is there is anything else you would like to add?
John: One point of clarification: When I say “at least until the church reaches 150,” I mean that I feel a calling to bring this church to the point of being a stable, single-pastor supporting, congregation, which is generally considered a church ranging in size from about 80 to 150 people. I don’t want to develop a mega-church, I don’t think I’m called to reach all of Lincoln County, but I do think I can contribute by bringing this church from the point it was at to being a stable congregation, able to support a full time pastor and provide an ongoing ministry to the area.
Peter: Great – thanks!

Sara Allen Speaks Out

Sara Allen Speaks Out
Sara Allen is another person that drifts through our apartment from time to time, and did not want to be left out of the interview loop, so here she is!

[After teasing banter, Peter intervenes to begin the actual interview.]
Peter: Hello, Sara, a million pardons for the reprehensible behavior of my roommate.
Sara: Do you do this the entire interview? [meaning reading what I type so as not to allow the interviewee to get to far ahead of me]
Peter: Do you mean ask for a million pardons?
Sara: Just wondering…
Peter: So, Sara, tell us about yourself in 25 words or less.
Sara: Oooh, that’s not very many words.
Peter: You’re running out!
Sara: [Giggles] Um…I’m from Florida, Central Florida, which makes me a southerner.
Peter: That was very concise!
Sara: I could say more…
Peter: Go ahead….tell us more about the southern culture of Central Florida.
Sara: We have it all, Spanish moss, grits, sweet tea…
Peter: Parking lots, mud holes?
Sara: Yes…and cow pattie bingo!
Peter: Wow!
Sara: Have I not told you about cow-pattie bingo?
Peter: No.
Sara: It takes quite a lot of describing.
Peter: OK, we’ll hold off on the patties for now.
Sara: It’s basically bingo with a cow and cow patties. You sell tickets and then you put a cow in a pen with numbers on the ground, and wherever the cow leaves a pattie, you put that number on your score card [until you get bingo].
Peter: So what do they do when it’s time to play the second game?
Sara: It’s a big fundraiser, the person who wins the game wins the raffle. [And there is only one game].
Peter: Very good. SO….
Sara: How do you follow up cow-pattie bingo?
Peter: I don’t know. Why don’t we talk about your experience with holes.
Sara: I have an affinity for holes, you could say. You might say there is sort of a magnetic attraction. I’m drawn to them. I fall into them. Generally while cute boys watch.
Peter: And when there are no holes nearby, are you often forced to resort to leaping into the path of oncoming Frisbi (plural of Frisbee)?
Sara: Once was enough.
Peter: Well, on to more flattering questions.
Sara: Have the fish killed themselves yet?
Peter: Um…I don’t think that was a more flattering question. [To the reader – our fish don’t like each other, and since they are “green terrors,” it is likely that one of them will soon be passing on….]
Jeff: Ask Sara about her running habits, I want to know about that. Because Aaron said you were “bustin’ up the hill like a beast” today. I mean "beast" in a good way.
Sara: That’s good, because you generally don’t want to use “beast” and “woman” in the same sentence. It’s kind of like “portly,” it doesn’t belong in a sentence with a girl.
Peter: So, this non-beastly running, do you do that often?
Sara: Only when people are watching.
Peter: Why is that?
Sara: I run when I’m leaving the parking lot and when I’m coming back into the parking lot, and people assume that I am running between point A and point B.
Peter: Ah, good show.
Sara: I’m trying to run a 5k before the end of the summer. Right now I’m just working on running in and out of the parking lot.
Peter: Great, are you going to enter an actual event, where you can get a T-shirt, as a memento of your accomplishment?
Sara: Um…only if says “Hotter N Hell” on it [note to reader: that's the race that Peter & Mark did last year].
Peter: I see you have been reading our other posts on the “Pete and Jeff’s Tri Blog.” Way to go, you must be one of our three readers!
Sara: No, I just like to cuss [laughter]
Peter: Um…I’m not sure I understand the connection between “cussing” and “Pete and Jeff’s Tri Blog.” Although I am aware that you like to answer the question – “what did the fish say when it ran into the wall.”
Sara: [comments on what the fish might say].
Peter: Um…have you written any poems about your propensity for the harmless use of quadraletteral words? Ok, let’s try to get back on track. So, you are from Central Florida, where they do interesting things (like hang out in the parking lot) and ride around in the mud and play bingo with cows. What did you do after you emerged from Central Florida?
Sara: I spent three wonderful years at Covenant College.
Jeff: Three years?
Sara: I graduated early.
Peter: So you were smart, eh?
Sara: That’s what they say.
Peter: What did you study there?
Sara: The soccer team [laughter]. No, I was a history major (but I did know the soccer team schedule).
Peter: Sara, I’m begin to detect that although you are nearly 23 (you’re 2 weeks and 5 days away, right?), that you may still suffer from a mild case of “boy-crazinesss?”
Sara: No, this was a long time ago.
Peter: When did you graduate?
Sara: In May of 2001.
Peter: What did you do between then and now?
Sara: I’ve been here since I graduated.
Peter: Of course, you were “our friend Sara” from the Jessica Patterson story! So, you came here to get…?
Sara: [laughter] I came here to get a masters degree, of course.
Peter: Jeff says that sounds a lot like marriage. What do you think?
Sara: [Hand waving] I try not to think, it’s dangerous. [Story about boys and girls at Covenant College and psychotic roommates who believe that you are their “pet” ensues].
Peter: Do you normally clasp and unclasp your hands with such great rapidity?
Sara: I’m very much a hand talker.
Peter: Is that like a wind-talker.
Sara: Something like that.
Peter: Have you also ever assumed the shape of a pretzel?
Sara: Yes.
Peter: Good answer. Moving on…so…we’ve covered early life, college, a little bit about “now,” and implicit future plans according to Jeff.
Jeff: Ummm….
Peter: We need to cover to your family.
Sara: I don’t like to leave them exposed.
Peter: And your Meyers-Briggs profile.
Sara: I’ve actually never had the full fledged test - I’ve been DISCed, but I have never been Myers-Brigged. I know I’m exactly the opposite of my mother and the exact same as my step-dad. I’m one of those weird people that scores right in the middle of the scale. I like to be around people, but when it comes to like that whole “where do you get energy from” I definitely get charged up from being by myself. I definitely need to be around other people, but I also like to be alone. I guess that comes with being an only child.
Jeff: Do you and your roommates have a very good balance of introvert-extrovert in your apartment so that no one is ever fleeing?
Sara: It’s a good balance [discussion of apartamental personality interaction ensues]
Jeff: When do you graduate?
Sara: Don’t ask me those kind of questions [ok, maybe she said “don’t ask me what I’m doing when I graduate”].
Peter: Well, Sara, it’s been fun talking about your love life. What should we talk about now?
Sara: Well, we haven’t talked about my nicknames.
Peter: Would you like to volunteer some information?
Sara: My grandfather calls me “Shu-shu,” which means my little cabbage in French.
Peter: I believe that’s “mon petit chou.”
Sara: Well, whatever, it’s still a cabbage. My uncle calls me “do,” I don’t know why. My pastor’s wife calls me “Janie.”
Peter: Could “do” be connected with your fairly frenetic rate of existence?
Sara: I suppose. My roommates in college called me “feisty fireball.” And my former-roommate’s husband calls me “furball.”
Peter: Sounds like you have had a long and storied existence.
Sara: Yes, I’d rather just be called plain Sara, though, without the “h.”
Peter: Well, before we go, just two more questions. First, what did you want to be when you were growing up?
Sara: It kind of changed every week. I wanted to be an oceanographer for a long time, and then a doctor, and then a lawyer, and now a professional student…no, now I’m just looking for a job with health insurance (at least that’s what my mother tells me I should look for).
Peter: And finally, what wise words would you like to leave with our faithful readers?
Sara: Oh…the pressure…hmmm…..[laughter]
Peter: Don’t worry, this one gets everybody.
Sara: Hmm…I’m trying to think of something witty to say.
Peter: That’s ok, we’ll replace that with another question. Do you think Saddam Hussein is dead or alive?
Sara: I don’t know. Can I have new question?
Peter: Why does your Covenant College ring have a thistle on it?
Sara: Well, Peter, the thistle comes from a famous battle in which certain Scots, knowing they faced certain defeat, were delivered by the sudden appearance of a host of thistles, which disabled their enemies.
Peter: So, the Covenant College Fighting Scotsmen might better be called, the Covenant College Don’t Fight With Us We Have Thistles?
Sara: Sure…whatever…is it 12:19AM?
Peter: Ack! That’s 19 minutes past your bedtime. Well, since Jeff and Mark have arrived in order to make inappropriate comments at inappropriate times, we must bid a fond farewell to this interrogatory session.
Sara: Goodnight.

Multitasking in Marriage & Family

Multitasking in Marriage & Family Counseling Class
Peter: Hello, Ken, are you reading about “marriage and family counseling” in that Old Testament history book?
Ken: Actually, yes. The book is discussing King Xerxes’ marriage to Esther, and the historicity thereof.
Peter: I’m guessing that the author argues on the side of historicity?
Ken: Fortunately, yes. I grow weary of “higher criticism,” and it’s nice to read a book that favors the faithfulness of God’s word. This Thursday I’m going to meet with Dr. Sklar to talk to him about Biblical commentaries, and my ambivalent attitude toward much of biblical scholarship. So much is based on a presumption of unbelief.
Peter: True enough, but to many post-moderns, the hermeneutic of skepticism is home base, and many of their arguments are being taken up by Islamic apologists as well. Do you feel that your book strikes a good balance between sound historical method and the purpose of all scripture to “teach, rebuke, correct, and train in righteousness?” (PS – you must type more quietly).
Ken: Often, yes. I like this book. What I do not like is the following phenomenon: Skeptic x writes article y to question Biblical book z. His argument is based on some crazy and questionable hypothesis. Nevertheless, his view now must be addressed by every book that is written henceforth… So you pick up five commentaries on Luke 19 and you have to wade through five different responses to the question, “Is the story of Zacchaeus historical, given that these kind of trees are not found in Jericho??” (Answer: Maybe they were there 2,000 years ago. Hello?) And then you have to wade through about five other issues as well. As a result, the commentaries are much less spiritual, much less edifying. Is this how God intends His word to be handled? I admit it’s a matter of degree; I don’t believe we should ignore the significant questions that arise. But I think it’s gone too far.
Peter: I think your observations are on target – it is very hard to find commentaries that do “theological exposition.” They typically get bogged down in critical matters or are so spiritualized that they somehow hover above the rooted-in-history thrust of the passage in question.
Ken: See, you call it a “passage in question.” Why must everything be in question? Just kidding. But I guess that really is the point.
Peter: Nice rain jacket.
Jeff: Are you being sarcastic?
Peter: No!
Ken: Well, off I go to take a walk with the Hell-Meister [editor’s note: that’s Dr. Peterson, who has written several books on eternal punishment; Ken does TA stuff for him] and tell him about my trip to the Southwest.
Peter: Excellent. Have fun.
Ken: He’ll like to hear about it because Hell is hot and so is the Southwest. There’s some question about which is hotter. But see, there we go with the questions again. Can’t we just believe God’s word? [Humorous tone].

This is it

This is it
This is the week of doom academically, which will culminate in the long awaited Sprint Triathlon. 300 meters in the pool, 17.5 miles on the bike, 3.4 miles running in Columbia, Missouri's "Race for Sight." Hopefully we'll be able to see just as well after we're done!

Jawing with Jamison

Peter: Hello Cousin Jamison, beauty queen of the northern lands!
Jamie: Hello, Ok, Hi...stop!
Peter: How's school?
Jamie: It's fine.
Peter: That's not a very descriptive answer.
Jamie: School is great, but very stressful because of all of my writing intensive classes.
Peter: Do you mean classes like "instant messenger I and II?"
Jamie: Well, IM has certainly enriched my academic life, because I can communicate with my friends how much I dislike my professors (gleeful shout)
Peter: How do you think your professor feels about that?
Jamie: He'll never know.
Peter: How devious, sounds like you might student teach at a school with a name like Grimsley!
Jamie: Why yes, I do!
Peter: What's it like in the parking lot over there?
Jamie: It's vicious Peter, vicious.
Peter: Would you care to give our readers an example of cutthroat parking lot behavior.
Jamie: Why, yes!
Peter: Yes, fill us in.
Jamie: They told the interns to park anywhere and so I did. But what they didn't tell the interns is that teachers have assigned parking. So...I parked in a mean teacher's spot, and he blocked me in. And he made me stand outside for an HOUR because he wouldn't come and move his car until he felt like it.
Peter: Sounds like you might want to wear your flak jacket to school, since there might be a shooting there soon!
Jamie: Nauuu.
Peter: Oh, that's good. Stop reading!
Jamie: Oh, sorry [giggling]
Peter: So has your time at Grimsley been profitable?
Jamie: Very. I have good students. And a wonderful, wonderful, WONDERFUL internship leader/partner in crime. She's cool, she's only two years older than I am.
Peter: And what do you do with your partners in crime to those poor "innocent" children?
Jamie: We grade papers and...[laughter]...and we have these things called book reviews where I interrogate them on whether they read the book they were supposed to by asking questions like "who was this character and what are they doing in this scene."
Peter: Good, well, what else do you besides write papers and launch questions at grade schoolers?
Jamie: I...work out.
Peter: Obsessively?
Jamie: Free weights and tread mill. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Peter: Is that how you stay in shape to "percolate?"
Jamie: That is correct, I have to keep up with my residents. That's another thing that I do - I percolate with my residents. And I also put on lots of programs for them.
Peter: LIke the party where people got to pretend to marry one another?
Jamie: Sure, that was a good one! They liked it.
Peter: So, papers, kids, percolation...would you like to tell us what you mean by percolation?
Jamie: It's a ritual dance that they do, where you turn your knees in and out, in and out, in and out, and you sort of turn your body in the other direction and it looks like you are riding a bull.
Peter: Does this dance also involve hallucinogenic mushrooms?
Jamie: No, I would have to throw them out if they brought such mushrooms onto my floor. I have tossed out residents before for other violations.
Peter: Like what?
Jamie: Mostly drinking in the dorm, that's a fun time, then there were some people doing "weed," and then...that's about it. But that's normal, you usually have three to four every year that get kicked out. But one time I was in another dorm and there was a CA who was afraid to kick some people out, so I did it for them. And he was BIG, he shouldn't have been afraid. But so were they.
Peter: Have we covered most of your life?
Jamie: Well, I go to the "bomb" church. It's the best PCA church in America! [laughter] So my church, it's fun times. I get to lead praise and worship sometimes, like twice a month. And...yeah.
Peter: Great. Anything else you want to tell our many readers?
Jamie: I hope that all three of them have a great day! And feel free to IM me at MsAmerica611, I will respond accordingly and in the number, um, order that they IM me.
Peter: OK, one last question. How do you feel about the Coco-Puppy situation?
Jamie: Oh, Coco-Puppy! I'm just hoping that she kicks the bucket before we go to Texas. Cause I don't want her to die in Texas because it's too hot there and she'll probably get hit by something. But if she dies in North Carolina, she'll die in beauty and be buried in green pastures, good sunsets, fun times. If she dies in Texas, Uncle John will do something bad, like put her in the fireplace or something (this is a test to see if he is one of the three readers).
Peter: Humph. OK, well, it's been glorious putting you on our blog, even though you made disparaging remarks about its popularity. Don't worry, when you come to Texas this summer and are far away from your beloved University of North Carolina at Greensboro, you'll get your due. BLAHAHAHAHA!
Jamie: I'm scared.
Peter: Your doom is sure.

Interviewing Aubrey

Peter: Hello, oh smoochipootudinous couch sitter.
Aubrey: [Laughter]
Jeff: Smoochipootudinous is one of his favorite sesquipedalian words.
Peter: So, how do you feel about international music?
Aubrey: Hmmm…I like it, for the most part.
Peter: Did you like the Sephardic song containing the children’s rhyme containing the dead lamb?
Aubrey: [Waving hand] Yes….? It’s hard to be clever when you just ask me these yes or no questions, Pete, though it does sound like a fun counting song.
Peter: How about this one…how do you feel about your “x” number of siblings?
Aubrey: I like them, usually, not always.
Peter: And would you like to tell our readers how many people are “x?”
Aubrey: Three, and they are all boys.
Peter: So you are surrounded?
Aubrey: Indeed.
Peter: Were you persecuted as a small child?
Aubrey: Yes. Austin stabbed me with a fork one time in the forehead. I don’t think there were ever any scars, though.
Peter: Any other battle wounds?
Aubrey: Well…Andrew ran over me with a bicycle. Still no scars.
Peter: You didn’t see him coming?
Aubrey: Like, he was chasing me, and I tripped or something and he ran me over.
Peter: What was he driving at the time? I.e., a big bike, a big wheel?
Aubrey: However big bikes are in the third grade.
Peter: Do you deny being referred to as “the destroyer?”
Aubrey: I do not deny it.
Peter: Could you elaborate on how you aquired this moniker?
Aubrey: Well…well…well. [Hand waving]. They would pester me and I would be forced to retaliate. Their unprovoked harassment of me led me in turn…
Peter: To extinguish them? As a little brother, I have to ask, are you sure that you did not in some overlordly type way provoke them to wrath?
Aubrey: Well, I probably provoked them occasionally, though I was normally just an innocent bystander.
Peter: Ah, so the fork was…
Aubrey: That was totally unprovoked..
Peter: Right, as most “forking” incidents are – actually, I was just going to ask how you managed to “bystand” so as to be in the path of said culinary implement.
Aubrey: Austin was really little, he was probably like three or something, and we were sitting at a picnic table, and he just picked up a plastic fork and stabbed me with it.
Peter: How did he get to the same altitude as your forehead?
Aubrey: Sitting, like at a picnic table.
Peter: So, Aubrey, what are your favorite things about Pete and Jeff?
Aubrey: Hmmm…
Jeff: If there’s nothing you can think of that you like about Pete, that’s ok.
Peter: No, it is not.
Aubrey: I do enjoy the quiz game.
Peter: Excellent. Sometimes Jeff is slightly “resistant” to this game. He thinks that “quiz” should be reduced to “hapax legomena” status. OK, you have given us a non-specific answer, so I’ll give you another try. Remember, Jeff is “cute” has already been used by Zeller.
Jeff: In the context of the “amorous liason.”
Peter: So, Aubrey…Jeff, stop distracting her. Jeff is a bad person. Jeff is incorrigible. Jeff is distracting Aubrey from her high calling as an interviewee. I will continue to say things about Jeff until he disentangles himself from the slide show on his computer which seems to be going on indefinitely much like this sentence.
Peter: OK, a new question…if you were a pickle, which kind would be and why?
Aubrey: How many different kinds of pickles are there?
Peter: There are dill, sweet, yellow, green, red, etc.
Jeff: And “bread and butter pickles.”
Peter: If you continue to ignore me, I will feed you to the Moorish invaders.
Aubrey: I really, I mean, I don’t eat that many pickles, so I don’t which would be best suited to me. I like Dill pickles, but they are sour, and I hope that I am not sour.
Jeff: [Mooshy sweetness comments couched in pickle language].
Peter: I see this line of questioning has failed, let’s move on…
Peter: Did you know that Jeff’s dad is Dutch?
Aubrey: I just recently discovered that. Right about the same time you did.
Peter: It’s suprising, isn’t it, given that he doesn’t have a vander-something name.
Peter: So when’s the last time that you visited a doctor?
Aubrey: The last time I went to a doctor, oh good grief, I definitely went sometime during my senior year of college. I think I got sick or something in the Spring and I went to the health center.
Peter: Did you consult Dr. Daddy first? [Note to reader: Just about everybody in Aubrey's family is a doctor or in medical school]
Aubrey: Well, no because he wasn’t there, he was 2.5 hours away. Wait, I know what it was! I had to get a blood test for immunity to measles for my internship, and I had to get a TB test, and I didn’t want to drive 2.5 hours just to get a TB test.
Peter: What internship was that?
Aubrey: Um, I shadowed doctors for 5.5 weeks.
Peter: You mean you spied on them from an undisclosed locations?
Aubrey: That’s exactly what I mean. I hid in closets, underneath beds.
Peter: I see that sort of thing a lot on TV, you’re just like a real doctor! So, are you ready to embark on your medical career now?
Aubrey: I guess so.
Jeff: You should probably go to medical school first.
Aubrey: Good idea…
Peter: So, are you looking forward most to cadaverizing in your medical career? I hear that you can make a good living doing that publicly in London if you don't get arrested.
Aubrey: Yes, maybe I should go there. I am totally excited about human anatomy.
Peter: What other things excite you about medical school?
Aubrey: Hmmmm….[fingers twitching]…physiology…the way your body works…the way different chemicals work in your body, etc., etc., etc.
Jeff: [Additional comments on the way the body works].
Peter: What do you think will happen to Jeff next year?
Aubrey: I don’t know.
Jeff: Neither does Jeff.
Peter: Do you think the “recreational pastor” post will come through for him?
Aubrey: I…no, I don’t think that’s what he wants to do.
Jeff: Did I tell you I called the church in Atlanta this morning….[job search story ensues]
Aubrey: Nods empathetically.
Peter: Types frenetically.
Aubrey: Interjects energetically.
Peter: Are you chewing on your hand?
Aubrey: No.
Peter: Are you defensive about your non-chewing?
Aubrey: [Yelling] No, I’m not defensive about that OK?
Peter: Was that you “older sister outside voice?”
Aubrey: Maybe. It’s not like I know when I go into the voice…It just sort of naturally…
Jeff: Escapes…
Peter: Well, speaking of escaping, I think I’m going to make like a 15th century Sephardic Jew on the Iberian Peninsula and….how do you say it in yiddish? Ah, yes, “get out of here.” Any last words to leave with our vast readership?
Aubrey: I don’t have any final words.

Zeller

We, Jeff and Pete (mostly Pete), repent and dust and ashes for our reprehensible blogging frequencies. As an attempt to return to your good graces, we offer this fun interview with random apartment pass-thru Kristen Zeller:

Peter: Hi, Kristin.
Zeller: Hello, Peter.
Peter: Tell us a little about yourself.
Zeller: Well, I am a second year seminary student at Covenant Seminary. I am from Texas, and I am the oldest of six children.
Peter: Does that mean you have a loud older sister voice?
Zeller: Definitely! Would it be better if I whisper for the rest of the interview?
Peter: Only if whispering is what normal people might refer to as "talking normally."
Zeller: Maybe my loud voice is normal and everybody else is just confused.
Peter: Would you like to tell us about any other areas in which you think the general populace is filled with confusion?
Zeller: Nope, I think they are pretty much straight on everything else.
Peter: That's curious...aren't you here in seminary to learn how to fix the general populace?
Zeller: Yes (chagrined smile). That is true - you have caught me in a lie.
Peter: What do you think you should do about that?
Zeller: Uhhh...stop lying.
Peter: Sounds like you are picking up some important lessons here at Covenant Seminary. Are you learning anything else in our ethics class?
Zeller: I'm not in your ethics class.
Peter: Oh, yeah, you've already taken that one, haven't you? What happened? Well, moving on to other subjects...so...tell us what brought you to Covenant Seminary, besides the obvious lying problem?
Zeller: Well, I wanted to study and learn more about God and I figured as long as I was young and irresponsible and single I had better just go for it. What brought you to seminary, Peter?
Peter: Pretty much the same things, especially the irresponsible part. Wait! I'm asking the questions here! So...did you family give you any books to prepare you for this experience?
Zeller: Oh, yes, my family is all about books.
Peter: What books are they most "about?"
Zeller: Um, well, my dad and my brother are all about commentaries and so I got a lot of Commentaries and Berkhof to prepare me for my seminary studies.
Peter: They gave you Berkhof?
Zeller: Yes, for my birthday a few years ago. I started to read it, but then thought it might make a better reference book. But then I got to seminary, and found out that I had better go ahead and read it.
Peter: Ok, now on to the fun questions. Have you ever been arrested?
Zeller: No.
Peter: Have you ever spent time in the "ghetto" next door to Baylor University in Waco (pronounced wack-o), Texas?
Zeller: Yes, I have.
Peter: What did you do there?
Zeller: Well, I had a friend who lived there, so we would hang out some times. Also, I helped lead a backyard bible study club over there once a week which met in various locations.
Peter: Very good...
Zeller: And I also often shopped at the "ghetto HEB" (pronounced get-o-heeb), which was our local grocery store.
Peter: Was that a local Reformed University Fellowship hangout?
Zeller: We didn't so much hang out there, but you would often run into people there. It was the social grocery store.
Peter: Did you ever have cart races at 2 AM in the morning there?
Zeller: Cart races? No, I have never had a cart race. I did try to slide down a cement fountain/water slide on a cafeteria tray once. Actually, one of my friends was on the national junior luge-ing team, so we sent him first, but it had these, like metal bars that went across at intervals to make the water all pretty and bubbly, and they were about this tall, I guess you would say two inches tall, and they impeded our progress somewhat. SO...it didn't really work out, and since the professional luger couldn't (actually he prefers the term "slider" instead of "luge-er"), we wouldn't attempt it.
Peter: Any other olympic "events" or other things that you would like to share with us from your storied college career?
Zeller: Hmmm...other things during my crazy college days...well, I played a lot of cards, that's not really an olympic event though. I had some friends who really liked to climb trees - Luke and Erin - so sometimes I would be walking around campus at night, back to my apartment, and I would hear someone talking to me. I would look around, and suddenly Luke would jump out of the tree right in front of me and scare the heck out of me. He thought it was very funny, but I was not quite so amused. He goes to Westminster Seminary.
Peter: Ah, I can understand why you decided to come to Covenant then. They are a little bit more "academic" over at Westminster.
Zeller: So I hear.What about you, you have to tell me a good story now too.
Peter: What era of my life would you like to hear about?
Zeller: Give me three eras and I'll pick one.
Peter: HOw about Peter the Younger, Peter the Middle, or Peter the Elder. Or we can go, early to high school, college, and the recent past.
Zeller: Hmmm...let's go for college and the recent past for 200.
Peter: Um...well, there was that time that I hitchhiked to Hawaii.
Zeller: YOu can't hitch hike to Hawaii!
Peter: Well, I had heard that they had built a tunnel... just kidding!
Zeller: NO, that's between England and France.
Peter: Well, a few years ago I sat in line all night to get "a dollar a pound" tickets to London. But you already know that story. I think I might be a boring person. I'm going to come back to this post and insert something more interesting later. Anything else you would like to add? Maybe some commentary on your life from your 12 year old sister?
Zeller: No, that's OK. We could call her up and she would have something interesting to say, I'm sure.
Peter: What do you think about the amorous liason developing between my roommate and your pseudo-housemate?
Zeller: I wish them all the best.
Peter: Is that all you wish them?
Zeller: What else is there to with that is nice? I think they are very cute.
Peter: Don't tell Jeff you called him cute.
Zeller: Right, I only meant in the context of the amorous liason.
Peter: Oh, yeah, tell us what you are going to do next year, and why you ought to go to London en route to that place?
Zeller: Well, you had better not ask me until tomorrow what I'm going to do next year.
Peter: True, maybe our readers would like to know why that is...
Zeller: Well (I like that word), I'm supposed to find out about this job I interviewed for...which would be teaching elementary school in the inner city.
Peter: And that would be for 7 years?
Zeller: Actually only two.
Peter: How will your down the street surrogate children feel about this?
Zeller: Uh...you mean Jack, Joe, and Tom?
Peter: Those are the ones.
Zeller: I don't know, I haven't asked them. I suppose they will be happy if I stay in St. Louis.
Peter: And JJT stories to share with us of late?
Zeller: Pause. OK, well I almost lost Joe the other day at Chuck E Cheese, but then he turned up again.
Peter: Well, thanks for your participation in this interview. I see that my interview skills are a bit rusty. So, gentle reader, read gently and submit questions for the next interview to peter@dishmans.net.