August 30, 2003
Happy Birthday, Sugar
Dear Sugar,
I often wonder whether those in heaven can hear the words we on earth speak, or read the words we on earth write. I think not, because in heaven there is no more pain, no more sorrow, no more tears. So if you could read these words now, knowing that your loss has caused me much pain, great sorrow, and many tears--you would sorrow also. And so you must be spared the knowing of this in your glorified state.
Yet someday, I firmly believe, we will read these words together and rejoice in the great gift the Lord gave us in each other. How I love you! Each day that you've been gone from me reminds me of just how perfectly you were fitted to be my wedded wife, my life companion. This week, for example, I came across an old photo from 1972.
I was the cameraman, and you were sitting with your father holding David, next to your Nana, next to Shari and your mother. You have such an expression of joy and love on your face as you smiled that incredible smile at me. There was so much love in it! And so, as I am told the grieving do, I became obsessed with your image in that photo. I scanned it into my computer, and then with an editing program zoomed in on you and proceeded to restore the faded colors and blurred lines. Then I pasted it onto the desktops of both my machines, so that everytime I see their screens I see your beautiful face beaming out at me and I smile.
Today you would have been 60 years old. It's hard for me to believe that. Even in your last months it still seemed to me that you were that beautiful 28 year-old that I see in that picture. Your physical beauty never dimmed even as your spirit grew larger each day.
This morning as I sat by myself at breakfast I pictured you coming up from behind me and putting your hands on my shoulders, bending over to kiss me and saying, "I love you." And I would have turned and looked into your beautiful face and said, "more than life itself."
But that was not to be. Instead, I picture you immeresed in a glory above that I cannot conceive, with a joy that is an infinity above that joy we had together in this life. And so even though I miss you greatly on your birthday, I rejoice that your new birth in heaven has brought you a reward--through the grace of Christ--that your faithfulness provided. Until the day when I join you in that glory, I will long to hear that voice that was like no other, and to touch those blessed hands that comforted me beyond measure.
Your loving husband,
"John Dishman"
Posted by John Dishman at August 30, 2003 07:56 AM