August 30, 2003
Happy Birthday, Sugar
Dear Sugar,
I often wonder whether those in heaven can hear the words we on earth speak, or read the words we on earth write. I think not, because in heaven there is no more pain, no more sorrow, no more tears. So if you could read these words now, knowing that your loss has caused me much pain, great sorrow, and many tears--you would sorrow also. And so you must be spared the knowing of this in your glorified state.
Yet someday, I firmly believe, we will read these words together and rejoice in the great gift the Lord gave us in each other. How I love you! Each day that you've been gone from me reminds me of just how perfectly you were fitted to be my wedded wife, my life companion. This week, for example, I came across an old photo from 1972.
I was the cameraman, and you were sitting with your father holding David, next to your Nana, next to Shari and your mother. You have such an expression of joy and love on your face as you smiled that incredible smile at me. There was so much love in it! And so, as I am told the grieving do, I became obsessed with your image in that photo. I scanned it into my computer, and then with an editing program zoomed in on you and proceeded to restore the faded colors and blurred lines. Then I pasted it onto the desktops of both my machines, so that everytime I see their screens I see your beautiful face beaming out at me and I smile.
Today you would have been 60 years old. It's hard for me to believe that. Even in your last months it still seemed to me that you were that beautiful 28 year-old that I see in that picture. Your physical beauty never dimmed even as your spirit grew larger each day.
This morning as I sat by myself at breakfast I pictured you coming up from behind me and putting your hands on my shoulders, bending over to kiss me and saying, "I love you." And I would have turned and looked into your beautiful face and said, "more than life itself."
But that was not to be. Instead, I picture you immeresed in a glory above that I cannot conceive, with a joy that is an infinity above that joy we had together in this life. And so even though I miss you greatly on your birthday, I rejoice that your new birth in heaven has brought you a reward--through the grace of Christ--that your faithfulness provided. Until the day when I join you in that glory, I will long to hear that voice that was like no other, and to touch those blessed hands that comforted me beyond measure.
Your loving husband,
"John Dishman"
August 25, 2003
Remembrance of a Dear Friend
I was deeply touched by the following letter from a dear friend of Susan's. I have withheld the author's name until such time that I get permission to use it. But the letter is so eloquently written, so insightful into the impact that Susan had on people that she loved so much, I wanted others to appreciate the heartfelt words and the spiritual implications that this dear friend expressed so well.
July 29,2003
Dear John,
As you grieve the loss of your spouse of 38 years, the love of your life (as you so often and eloquently said), I feel compelled to share with you some of my special memories of her. I just had to help you understand, as if you didn't already, what a remarkable woman she was.
Susan Dishman was my friend. We've been friends for about ten years now--ever since she, in typical Susan fashion, searched for some answers in her new quest to become a language therapist. With a simple phone call, Susan asked me some questions about how my tutoring business worked and VOILA! we became fast friends. I guess I became in some ways her mentor for language therapy, but in many other ways she became my mentor for living. The two of us had a great deal in common: both of us in a strong loving relationship; both of us close to our families-parents, sisters, and children; both with sons (though I only have two sons); and both of us committed to working with kids. Though we each had busy schedules, Susan and I stayed in touch via the phone, professional meetings and our occasional lunches. We talked unceasingly about our students, always trying to figure out how to better serve them. We shared endlessly about our husbands, families and especially our children. I felt a strong connectedness with her.
For a number of years now I've heard accounts of your life, shared with me in loving pride. She spoke glowingly (but never boastfully) about your successful career, your bike riding, your commitment to your church, your incredible mother who recently passed away, and all three of your wonderful boys. Susan loved you all deeply and still had love to spare for her sister and her three kids, not to mention all her friends at church and other friends and family. I know that she loved me and wanted me to truly know peace through Jesus Christ. I credit her with leading my way back to His light after many years of living as a "good person" but living without His grace. Her influence was gentle but persistent. I often hear her "hmmmm" in my head as a reminder to stay in the Light. She was amazing!
Checking in daily on Susan's web health update gave me further insight into her life and loves. I was moved to tears so many nights as I read of her pain and courage and, more importantly, the faith you both shared. Praying for Susan each day and night brought me closer to Christ and offered me the discipline that I as a newly dedicated Christian needed. And so many times through the months, comments that you made were right in line with passages I had recently read in my Bible study class. I was especially enraptured by "The Pruning." I had just read John 15 before you wrote your very appropriate comments on the course your life had taken with Susan's illness. The patience and love you showed Susan and her obedience to God's will as she accepted the cup she was given offers me great guidance in my life each day. Susan's love, light, goodness and faith will forever be an inspiration to me!
May Christ be with you as He always is,
August 21, 2003
From Pat
Here's a recollection from my cousin Pat Talkington:
I remember the first time that I met Susan - she, John and the boys were visiting Uncle Roy and Aunt Nelle. My folks were here visiting me and the three of us came over to see John and his family and Uncle Roy and Aunt Nelle. If I remember correctly, John was driving a van or maybe it was a station wagon. One of the first things that impressed me about Susan was her rule for travel with the 3 boys. Each one had a basket and anything that they brought with them or bought along the way had to fit in the basket. That impressed me! I have always thought that other parents should follow her "rule" for traveling.
Another thought about how considerate she always was - one time when I surprised her and John when she was in ICU after surgery - the nurse came in to talk with her about moving to a private room. The nurse asked her if she wanted to be moved on a bed or in a wheelchair - her response was "what would be the best way for you to move me?" She always thought of others first.
She will always be with us in our memories and our heart.
Pat
Thanks, Pat. That brought old memories to us also. In addition to the traveling rules in that old Chevy wagon, we also had a "day algorithm". On days 1-9 David sat in front, Mark in the middle and Peter in back. Then on days 10-19, they all rotated forward one slot, and likewise on days 20-29. That way everyone got an equal shot with "sitting next to dad" in front. However when we got to February, or the 30th and 31st of other months, we had to bring in Philadelphia lawyers to decide who sat where!
August 18, 2003
From a Student
I just received this note in the mail from a longtime student of Susan's, Shawn Herran:
As a student of Susan I cannot comprehend or fully realize the meaning of Susan's love, how tender and wise. The patience and forgiveness that are part of everyday. The unexpected "little things" she did in her own way. Years went by before I could look back on life and see through older eyes and wiser heart her love and loyalty, and yet it's these and other special things I will hold so dear, for memories of her steadfast love will keep her ever near."
Thanks, Shawn, you said it perfectly. It's been 3 weeks now and my heart is still breaking.....those "little things" are what I miss most these days.
August 06, 2003
On The Road
It has been a week of beginning adjustments in the Dishman family. The day after the funeral on Friday, John set off with David & Elizabeth & Shari (Susan's sister) to Atlanta (where David & Elizabeth live) on Saturday and then to North Carolina (Shari's home) on Sunday after church. John returned on Monday to make sure that the garbage got taken out according to specifications on Tuesday and to take Megan to the dentist in hopes of getting a price lower than $5500 for three potentially abcessed teeth. Today, John should had a nice bike ride in the morning and is probably paying bills, feeling sleepy, and instant messaging with David & Elizabeth (David and Peter put Trillian, an all purpose instant messaging program, on his laptop, and he actually seems to be getting into it despite initial protestations).
Yesterday the hospice folk finally came and picked up the hospital bed, oxygen, PEG tube pump, wheelchair, mattress, bedside table, and other paraphenelia, so the master bedroom looks much the same as before. It's quiet at home, but John isn't getting much sleep these days.
Tomorrow, John heads out with Jamison to take her back to North Carolina and her beloved UNCG campus for her final year of school. The summer has definitely confirmed that she does not want to be a Spanish teacher, but her long term calling (which seems to involve English Education) is still in the process of refinement and confirmation.